Well ok, it has been a few days since I posted but that time has not been wasted in the least. I have spent a lot of time thinking, talking to ALL my best friends, and doing my best to figure it all out as to what I need to do. I have gotten some great insight from unexpected sources, things that actually helped calm me and make this decision easier. Some friends have said that I need to be in my belt, and yes I do agree. Also they have said I need to be locked permanently, and while that thought is scary, it makes a lot of sense to me for reasons I will detail below.
First I realized I do not orgasm often even when free of a belt, in fact I prefer anal sex, and am a true bottom submissive gay boy. Secondly, I do love the feeling of being locked in a belt, it is a win-win, I get to feel that control, and the belt keeps my sex drive under control and interesting. Third, once I get past a certain point, about 100-110 days for me, I level off and get this smooth, pleasant constant awareness and arousal I can only describe as a floating feeling. Next, as I am not likely to get married or have children, there is no need for me to be free of a belt. Also for me, I feel happier and more focused on tasks, personal health, and more while locked, and when I have been free of a belt, I am in some form of depression.
So all that being said, while I am nervous about the thought of the belt being permanent, I am also surprisingly calm about knowing this is indeed the best thing for me. My friends will also have my best interests in mind, so if something happens that causes a change, or this whole exercise becomes detrimental to me, they will do what is my best interest in either letting me free from the belt for a while, or releasing me permanently. Also they are the ones who know if I am sick or in medical distress, so again, having these 2 friends keep the keys, and having them enforce the belt, is what I need, and is the best thing for me.
So currently, I am in my small Lori Tube. My last orgasm was May 15th, 2010, and I am planning on staying chaste from here on out. Between now and when the new Neosteel gets here in July will be the toughest time. Once the new belt arrives, I will remove the Lori Tube, and then will start adjusting the new Neosteel. Once it is comfy and I am used to it and adapted to it, then the keys will be handed over, and that belt will be locked and a numbered wire seal put in place, hopefully for good. I feel that if I maintain my current chaste state, It will make my time to get to a calmer state in the neosteel much shorter. This has been an internal struggle as to the question of do I orgasm between now and the new neosteel getting here, a last meal so to speak? Or should I just stay as is. My goal is to stay as is, but if I fail and do orgasm between now and the new belt, that will be even more compelling evidence that I need this control.
Also as the new belt is a fixed hip size, I will need to maintain my diet to keep it so that I don't add weight, thereby making the belt too tight to wear. So yet another benefit of this situation. After 17 years of interest in belts, and having worn one most of the last 10 years, I think that I am truly at the point where this is the best thing for me. The goal is permanent chastity, belt never coming off again. As we all know, there is a substantial chance that I may have to end this due to a medical issue, as I have a lot of years in front of me. But if all goes well, I will indeed remain chaste permanently. Another benefit is that any guy who dates me will know I am locked and cannot orgasm, (but can still be made love to anally). This way, any person who wants to be with me will have to accept that part of me as well.
So here I am, admitting finally that I do need to be locked permanently. And indeed the groundwork is laid to make this a reality. I will try to write in this post often to share my feelings, and keep everyone updated as I progress thru this path laid out before me. Again, this is NOT fantasy, not fiction, this is indeed a true blog with how my life is.
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