Well ok, it has been a few days since I posted but that time has not been wasted in the least. I have spent a lot of time thinking, talking to ALL my best friends, and doing my best to figure it all out as to what I need to do. I have gotten some great insight from unexpected sources, things that actually helped calm me and make this decision easier. Some friends have said that I need to be in my belt, and yes I do agree. Also they have said I need to be locked permanently, and while that thought is scary, it makes a lot of sense to me for reasons I will detail below.
First I realized I do not orgasm often even when free of a belt, in fact I prefer anal sex, and am a true bottom submissive gay boy. Secondly, I do love the feeling of being locked in a belt, it is a win-win, I get to feel that control, and the belt keeps my sex drive under control and interesting. Third, once I get past a certain point, about 100-110 days for me, I level off and get this smooth, pleasant constant awareness and arousal I can only describe as a floating feeling. Next, as I am not likely to get married or have children, there is no need for me to be free of a belt. Also for me, I feel happier and more focused on tasks, personal health, and more while locked, and when I have been free of a belt, I am in some form of depression.
So all that being said, while I am nervous about the thought of the belt being permanent, I am also surprisingly calm about knowing this is indeed the best thing for me. My friends will also have my best interests in mind, so if something happens that causes a change, or this whole exercise becomes detrimental to me, they will do what is my best interest in either letting me free from the belt for a while, or releasing me permanently. Also they are the ones who know if I am sick or in medical distress, so again, having these 2 friends keep the keys, and having them enforce the belt, is what I need, and is the best thing for me.
So currently, I am in my small Lori Tube. My last orgasm was May 15th, 2010, and I am planning on staying chaste from here on out. Between now and when the new Neosteel gets here in July will be the toughest time. Once the new belt arrives, I will remove the Lori Tube, and then will start adjusting the new Neosteel. Once it is comfy and I am used to it and adapted to it, then the keys will be handed over, and that belt will be locked and a numbered wire seal put in place, hopefully for good. I feel that if I maintain my current chaste state, It will make my time to get to a calmer state in the neosteel much shorter. This has been an internal struggle as to the question of do I orgasm between now and the new neosteel getting here, a last meal so to speak? Or should I just stay as is. My goal is to stay as is, but if I fail and do orgasm between now and the new belt, that will be even more compelling evidence that I need this control.
Also as the new belt is a fixed hip size, I will need to maintain my diet to keep it so that I don't add weight, thereby making the belt too tight to wear. So yet another benefit of this situation. After 17 years of interest in belts, and having worn one most of the last 10 years, I think that I am truly at the point where this is the best thing for me. The goal is permanent chastity, belt never coming off again. As we all know, there is a substantial chance that I may have to end this due to a medical issue, as I have a lot of years in front of me. But if all goes well, I will indeed remain chaste permanently. Another benefit is that any guy who dates me will know I am locked and cannot orgasm, (but can still be made love to anally). This way, any person who wants to be with me will have to accept that part of me as well.
So here I am, admitting finally that I do need to be locked permanently. And indeed the groundwork is laid to make this a reality. I will try to write in this post often to share my feelings, and keep everyone updated as I progress thru this path laid out before me. Again, this is NOT fantasy, not fiction, this is indeed a true blog with how my life is.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Thursday, May 27, 2010
Post I wrote...
I wrote this post for another forum over at lockedm4m.net, but wanted to copy it here for all of you to read too...
(Their site is http://www.lockedm4m.net/ and this was posted in the forum segment 'locked life' )
Ok first let me start by saying for most people, most of the time, this is purely fantasy. I also do agree that in most relationships, a permanent lockdown does give the power to the wearer in regards to this concept. Also I do agree with other blogs that life changes, that we cannot predict major life changes, major injuries, etc. And for most while the idea of permanent chastity is a fantasy that they use to get themselves aroused, others are scared of the thought, or dismiss it wholly.
Now some about me, I am a single, gay sub/bottom male living in the Mormon Holyland of Utah behind the Zion Curtain. I live alone, have been thru a major disability, and have had quite possibly a life many could never understand. I have not had a boyfriend in over 6 years, nor even a play partner in more than 5 years. Not for looking, have I been alone, but lets face it, I am at the point where things relationship-wise are at a standstill. I am not willing to compromise on what I want in a BF, and until I find it, something has to change. I have found that for me, even when able to JO, I don't, only cumming once a month or less. In fact my time spent setting my personal record in my old Neosteel was the happiest time in my life. I was more-or-less self locked for most of that term of 2 years, 2 months, and 22 days. In fact it may have never ended were it not for a Dom friend online catching me in a weak moment. For me the control IS the arousal. I know that is not the case for 90% of the guys out there. For most, having a BF/KH/Wife/etc. keep them locked and the denial is the erotic foreplay to a great play session. For me that is not the case.
I have been into several fetishes ever since I can remember, recreational orthopedics (casting/braces/wheelchairs) since I was a young kid, bondage also, even when I was little. I was always the one who wanted to be the "bad guy" and get tied up by the sheriff. When I got a bit older and the internet became a major source of info, while I was in High School, then, I found out about Chastity Belts, and the idea immediately aroused me. Many of my fantasies were born then. I do love bondage, being restrained (the tighter and more elaborate, and emcompassing, the better), and even link my casting fetish to medical bondage. It is just the way I am. It is also part of why it is so hard for me to find a BF that is close in age, and someone with similar interests. For the last 15-17 years, I have been loving chastity belts, and have worn one for probably 80% of the last 10 years or more. My first being a Curve, then getting more and more serious about it. Going from the plastic ones to a Lori Tube, then even to full belts (Neosteel's work better for me).
Recently (about 15 days ago) I ordered my new neosteel. When I did place the order, knowing I need to be in a full belt control wise, my best friend, a straight mormon boy, who does know all about my activities and fetishes (he does not care in the least), even said "I think being belted long term again is a good thing for you. You need that." The he offered to keep the keys safe from me, in order to prevent a repeat of my record lockdown from before, more particularly the way it ended. The end of that term, left me with some depression and a lot of regret. My friend suggested I should go no less than the old record and we do know I am able to handle that, as he was around as a friend when I was in that last term. He also said that once we make an agreement, whatever the term is, that will be it. A few days ago he asked me IF I wanted out at all, which that aroused me beyond all question. Here it is, the ideal of permanent lockdown.
Now we do all know that in order for this to be true, 100% permanent lockdown, it would be a feat of the human body. I am 32 years old, and the chances that the belt will have to be removed at some point for medical or something, are significant. So since my friend and I will agree to a term before, and I will spell it out in terms on paper, covering all the issues that could arise. But at the end of the day, he agrees that permanent lockdown seems to be the right path. He has known me for a long time, and does understand more than just about anyone else I know. So I guess let me spell out how this situation will work. At this point, he will come take the keys once I am settled in the belt, and that will be it. To be honest, I eagerly await that moment. Here is a look at how the rules will play out in this...
The belt will be worn indefinitely. One key will be kept with the KH (my friend), and one will be in a keypad safe here in my home, to which he will set the combo with me not in the room. It has an 8 digit combo code, so there is no random code trial to get out. Then the key, AND a photo of the belt, with the numbered wire seal, will go into the safe, and it will be closed. At that point there is no going back (more or less, will elaborate in a few). I will indeed be in a situation where the goal is permanent chastity (yes, I am aware of the medical issues, and will cover that below as well). There will be no release under normal circumstances just to play. The belt will be for all purposes locked on for good.
Now I do know there are situations both medically and mentally where things may require release due to extreme distress. That is the reason for the safe and him having a key as well. In an emergency, there is a way to still get out. Should the belt need to be removed for a temporary condition, medically, and will be able to be put back on, then I am obligated to do so. My KH can also end the agreement at any time due to "Major Life Changes (ie. marriage of one of us, moving, etc)". But barring a major life change, or medical or severe mental issue, the belt will indeed remain locked. In order to provide a safety say for me, we have put in a "release program" clause too, which says at the 3 year mark, I can choose to end the agreement, but to prevent a weak moment decision, I would remain locked for 1-2 years (time TBD) as a cooling off period, to ponder the choice to end, and to either change my mind and stay locked, or remain on the cooldown until the belt comes off.
I highly doubt I will make use of that clause, as I want to be locked, but it is there anyways, as a responsible thing to do. Short of that, medical, mental or life changes, I will remain chaste as long as the belt can remain on. The ideal goal in this is permanent chastity, and that is what the thought process needs to be as in my mind, as once locked, it is doubtful I will be out again. I have talked with my physicians, and they agree, that as long as I am monitoring the prostate health, and the skin health, I could remain locked indefinitely. I am a former EMT, hospital ortho-tech, and home healthcare patient tech, so health is not a mystery to me, and I do know if its time to call it health-wise.
My friend, being straight, will not be doing much checking on the belt, just the wire seal from time to time, but then again, he does have the keys safe, so not like I could do much anyways. Also I ordered a custom collar from Neosteel, matched to my belt, and in our agreement, while at home I will wear the collar as well, and also will wear it from time to time out in public. None of that scares me. In fact, I am quite happy about this all. As for me, these things give me arousal, and as a gay bottom sub, anal sex (even if with a dildo) is more pleasurable to me anyways. I know I am a unique person in my situations, and doubt many out there can understand. I am also sure I will see the typical comments about "what if, or this is fake, or permanent chastity doesn't exist, etc." Let me assure you this IS the real deal, and my real life, and I for one want to be in a belt for the rest of my life non-stop if able. I hope you all read this and enjoy my self-inflicted predicament, as I will be enjoying it. If someone out there is also in a permanent lock-down, I would love to hear an account of how you came to the choice to be locked forever.
(Their site is http://www.lockedm4m.net/ and this was posted in the forum segment 'locked life' )
Ok first let me start by saying for most people, most of the time, this is purely fantasy. I also do agree that in most relationships, a permanent lockdown does give the power to the wearer in regards to this concept. Also I do agree with other blogs that life changes, that we cannot predict major life changes, major injuries, etc. And for most while the idea of permanent chastity is a fantasy that they use to get themselves aroused, others are scared of the thought, or dismiss it wholly.
Now some about me, I am a single, gay sub/bottom male living in the Mormon Holyland of Utah behind the Zion Curtain. I live alone, have been thru a major disability, and have had quite possibly a life many could never understand. I have not had a boyfriend in over 6 years, nor even a play partner in more than 5 years. Not for looking, have I been alone, but lets face it, I am at the point where things relationship-wise are at a standstill. I am not willing to compromise on what I want in a BF, and until I find it, something has to change. I have found that for me, even when able to JO, I don't, only cumming once a month or less. In fact my time spent setting my personal record in my old Neosteel was the happiest time in my life. I was more-or-less self locked for most of that term of 2 years, 2 months, and 22 days. In fact it may have never ended were it not for a Dom friend online catching me in a weak moment. For me the control IS the arousal. I know that is not the case for 90% of the guys out there. For most, having a BF/KH/Wife/etc. keep them locked and the denial is the erotic foreplay to a great play session. For me that is not the case.
I have been into several fetishes ever since I can remember, recreational orthopedics (casting/braces/wheelchairs) since I was a young kid, bondage also, even when I was little. I was always the one who wanted to be the "bad guy" and get tied up by the sheriff. When I got a bit older and the internet became a major source of info, while I was in High School, then, I found out about Chastity Belts, and the idea immediately aroused me. Many of my fantasies were born then. I do love bondage, being restrained (the tighter and more elaborate, and emcompassing, the better), and even link my casting fetish to medical bondage. It is just the way I am. It is also part of why it is so hard for me to find a BF that is close in age, and someone with similar interests. For the last 15-17 years, I have been loving chastity belts, and have worn one for probably 80% of the last 10 years or more. My first being a Curve, then getting more and more serious about it. Going from the plastic ones to a Lori Tube, then even to full belts (Neosteel's work better for me).
Recently (about 15 days ago) I ordered my new neosteel. When I did place the order, knowing I need to be in a full belt control wise, my best friend, a straight mormon boy, who does know all about my activities and fetishes (he does not care in the least), even said "I think being belted long term again is a good thing for you. You need that." The he offered to keep the keys safe from me, in order to prevent a repeat of my record lockdown from before, more particularly the way it ended. The end of that term, left me with some depression and a lot of regret. My friend suggested I should go no less than the old record and we do know I am able to handle that, as he was around as a friend when I was in that last term. He also said that once we make an agreement, whatever the term is, that will be it. A few days ago he asked me IF I wanted out at all, which that aroused me beyond all question. Here it is, the ideal of permanent lockdown.
Now we do all know that in order for this to be true, 100% permanent lockdown, it would be a feat of the human body. I am 32 years old, and the chances that the belt will have to be removed at some point for medical or something, are significant. So since my friend and I will agree to a term before, and I will spell it out in terms on paper, covering all the issues that could arise. But at the end of the day, he agrees that permanent lockdown seems to be the right path. He has known me for a long time, and does understand more than just about anyone else I know. So I guess let me spell out how this situation will work. At this point, he will come take the keys once I am settled in the belt, and that will be it. To be honest, I eagerly await that moment. Here is a look at how the rules will play out in this...
The belt will be worn indefinitely. One key will be kept with the KH (my friend), and one will be in a keypad safe here in my home, to which he will set the combo with me not in the room. It has an 8 digit combo code, so there is no random code trial to get out. Then the key, AND a photo of the belt, with the numbered wire seal, will go into the safe, and it will be closed. At that point there is no going back (more or less, will elaborate in a few). I will indeed be in a situation where the goal is permanent chastity (yes, I am aware of the medical issues, and will cover that below as well). There will be no release under normal circumstances just to play. The belt will be for all purposes locked on for good.
Now I do know there are situations both medically and mentally where things may require release due to extreme distress. That is the reason for the safe and him having a key as well. In an emergency, there is a way to still get out. Should the belt need to be removed for a temporary condition, medically, and will be able to be put back on, then I am obligated to do so. My KH can also end the agreement at any time due to "Major Life Changes (ie. marriage of one of us, moving, etc)". But barring a major life change, or medical or severe mental issue, the belt will indeed remain locked. In order to provide a safety say for me, we have put in a "release program" clause too, which says at the 3 year mark, I can choose to end the agreement, but to prevent a weak moment decision, I would remain locked for 1-2 years (time TBD) as a cooling off period, to ponder the choice to end, and to either change my mind and stay locked, or remain on the cooldown until the belt comes off.
I highly doubt I will make use of that clause, as I want to be locked, but it is there anyways, as a responsible thing to do. Short of that, medical, mental or life changes, I will remain chaste as long as the belt can remain on. The ideal goal in this is permanent chastity, and that is what the thought process needs to be as in my mind, as once locked, it is doubtful I will be out again. I have talked with my physicians, and they agree, that as long as I am monitoring the prostate health, and the skin health, I could remain locked indefinitely. I am a former EMT, hospital ortho-tech, and home healthcare patient tech, so health is not a mystery to me, and I do know if its time to call it health-wise.
My friend, being straight, will not be doing much checking on the belt, just the wire seal from time to time, but then again, he does have the keys safe, so not like I could do much anyways. Also I ordered a custom collar from Neosteel, matched to my belt, and in our agreement, while at home I will wear the collar as well, and also will wear it from time to time out in public. None of that scares me. In fact, I am quite happy about this all. As for me, these things give me arousal, and as a gay bottom sub, anal sex (even if with a dildo) is more pleasurable to me anyways. I know I am a unique person in my situations, and doubt many out there can understand. I am also sure I will see the typical comments about "what if, or this is fake, or permanent chastity doesn't exist, etc." Let me assure you this IS the real deal, and my real life, and I for one want to be in a belt for the rest of my life non-stop if able. I hope you all read this and enjoy my self-inflicted predicament, as I will be enjoying it. If someone out there is also in a permanent lock-down, I would love to hear an account of how you came to the choice to be locked forever.
Wednesday, May 26, 2010
Changes, Medical and More...
Well there have been a few changes over the last few days to plans and stuff, not any that will result in my not being locked, in fact quite the opposite. First I found out that the on the Neosteel Male Hip Sport belt, the plugs made for the rear cable, require the belt to be off to put the plug on the cable or take it off. Whereas I will not be able to take the belt on and off, as the keys will not be here at all, I guess that plug is out then. Neosteel cancelled that off the order. So any prostate stimulation will have to be done with my other plugs and stuff I already have here. No biggie, just will make some difference in the plans.
Also I chose to go with my local friend instead of my old master from the UK, there were just some stipulations in the deal with my old master, that while the plan originally sounded the fantasy, some subtle details just didn't work for me. Part of the deal with being my old master's alpha was obedience, and while he said I could do a ton of tattoos, he would not let me do piercings. For me, I used to have my septum pierced, and wanted to get it redone. Especially if I was in a situation where I was needing to be submissive, the septum piercing actually made me feel more submissive. I would have thought that a master would be ok with the piercing IF it helped the sub get more into the right frame of mind. But alas, this is one thing, that some may say is a minor thing, or that I should do whatever he asks. But when we are dealing with these kinds of things before we even start, that ruins the desire to go the extra mile for him. So I chose to just remain with my friend keeping the keys. He is close, and has said that whatever plan we line out, is it, if the belt goes on permanently, well I will have no choice.
Yesterday I had a checkup at my pain medicine clinic, to refill my medications. My doctor there is one of the few I trust implicitly. When it comes to difficult questions, she has always been there. So after we got done with things, I brought up the health in chastity subject to her. We discussed several things including skin care and prostate health. She told me then, that as long as the skin is not an issue, and the prostate remains healthy, there is no reason that I could not remain in the belt indefinitely. Well seems like that excuse is now out too eh? ;)
I have started working on a few different plans, the main one is a good deal I think, but still working on it. Most likely, the plan would be that once the belt goes on, it stays on permanently, with the exception at 3 years, I will be given a choice to continue to continue in the belt, or to initiate a release program, in which the belt would still remain on 2 more years, but then that would be it. This cooling down period is to eliminate the chance that something happened like my record setting term from before where in a weak moment, I was talked into playing, and did right then, with major regret afterwards. The goal behind this plan is for the belt to be permanent, however if there is a major medical or mental need, or a major life change, then my friend who will have the keys can stop the agreement on behalf of either of us. Is wearing the belt permanently the rest of my life possible, if there was no major health issues, then yes it could be. Will it? Only time will tell.
I could still choose just the 3 year term if i wanted only, and go from there, and that is still possible too. I have a week or 2 to make a decision. As long as things are lined out before my friend comes and takes the keys, then I can have some say in the rules, but if I were to wait too long, then if no lined out agreement exists when the keys are taken, then the belt will become permanent with me and I will have no say at all regarding anything... I guess that is one heck of a motivation to not procrastinate.
Well for the moment, that is everything that has changed. Seems like the net result has not, and I even have been told medically that I should be fine to go on in a belt indefinitely. For some reason, I am particularly calm about this probability. Who knows...
Also I chose to go with my local friend instead of my old master from the UK, there were just some stipulations in the deal with my old master, that while the plan originally sounded the fantasy, some subtle details just didn't work for me. Part of the deal with being my old master's alpha was obedience, and while he said I could do a ton of tattoos, he would not let me do piercings. For me, I used to have my septum pierced, and wanted to get it redone. Especially if I was in a situation where I was needing to be submissive, the septum piercing actually made me feel more submissive. I would have thought that a master would be ok with the piercing IF it helped the sub get more into the right frame of mind. But alas, this is one thing, that some may say is a minor thing, or that I should do whatever he asks. But when we are dealing with these kinds of things before we even start, that ruins the desire to go the extra mile for him. So I chose to just remain with my friend keeping the keys. He is close, and has said that whatever plan we line out, is it, if the belt goes on permanently, well I will have no choice.
Yesterday I had a checkup at my pain medicine clinic, to refill my medications. My doctor there is one of the few I trust implicitly. When it comes to difficult questions, she has always been there. So after we got done with things, I brought up the health in chastity subject to her. We discussed several things including skin care and prostate health. She told me then, that as long as the skin is not an issue, and the prostate remains healthy, there is no reason that I could not remain in the belt indefinitely. Well seems like that excuse is now out too eh? ;)
I have started working on a few different plans, the main one is a good deal I think, but still working on it. Most likely, the plan would be that once the belt goes on, it stays on permanently, with the exception at 3 years, I will be given a choice to continue to continue in the belt, or to initiate a release program, in which the belt would still remain on 2 more years, but then that would be it. This cooling down period is to eliminate the chance that something happened like my record setting term from before where in a weak moment, I was talked into playing, and did right then, with major regret afterwards. The goal behind this plan is for the belt to be permanent, however if there is a major medical or mental need, or a major life change, then my friend who will have the keys can stop the agreement on behalf of either of us. Is wearing the belt permanently the rest of my life possible, if there was no major health issues, then yes it could be. Will it? Only time will tell.
I could still choose just the 3 year term if i wanted only, and go from there, and that is still possible too. I have a week or 2 to make a decision. As long as things are lined out before my friend comes and takes the keys, then I can have some say in the rules, but if I were to wait too long, then if no lined out agreement exists when the keys are taken, then the belt will become permanent with me and I will have no say at all regarding anything... I guess that is one heck of a motivation to not procrastinate.
Well for the moment, that is everything that has changed. Seems like the net result has not, and I even have been told medically that I should be fine to go on in a belt indefinitely. For some reason, I am particularly calm about this probability. Who knows...
Saturday, May 22, 2010
Options...
Well it seems I am a victim of my own devious mind. So when I ordered the new belt, of course I told my friends, some of who are kinky, others not. They all know about me and my desires. They appreciate my honesty in fact. Well as soon as I had the new belt ordered, I was talking with one of my friends, a straight guy here about 3 miles away. His roommate is actually someone I met years ago as a caster. My friend (not the caster one, but the straight one), and I were talking about it and he said that he would be glad to keep my keys safe. COOL!! After some more conversation, he said "I know you need to be in the belt, once the new one comes and you are in it and adjusted to it, the keys will come to me regardless". *yipe*
Well that solves the issue of key control, no cheating on my term. He and I agreed that we would go either until a set time had expired, or until I really, really needed out. No plans beyond that. After some chat we decided the safest thing to do was to get one of the keypad operated safes, and put it in my closet, and then he sets the combo to it, one key goes in there, the other goes with him. That way in an emergency, there is access either via him texting a code, or being here to open the CB. Ok so that was solved. Keys out of control, check!
The next day my old KH/master from the UK and I were chatting, and he made me a tempting offer, to be one of his Alpha's again (was before, but that is a story for another post). However there were stipulations...
1) The matched collar from Neosteel is to be worn always at home, and may be required out in public.
2) The plug will be worn 80% of the time (about 20 hours a day).
3) Indefinite (read: permanent) Chastity
Yes, there it is in black and white, permanent chastity. Talk about an offer! This is the fantasy for me, but the question is am I ready for that? Also given that my belt will have the seal bolts, there will be no doubt to anyone that I cannot cheat, this thing with the seal bolts will happen no matter which person I choose. So later that day I was talking to my friend here, and told him about the offer, and he said "Well if you do not take his offer to be his Alpha, you will just have to break your record." Ummmm, whoa! So 3 years (his time to break the record) or permanent. No other choices. Talk about a mind fuck! Here is where I should insert something about be careful what you wish for. It scares me totally, but also arouses me. After all, I am wearing my Lori Tube till the new Neosteel gets here. God talk about what a choice.
So I decided that I needed to make a counter-offer to my old KH in the UK, so it is a possibility of something like this...
2 years no questions, total submission and chastity, collar, plug, as he asks. After 2 years, we re-evaluate the situation. If we find it is not working for one reason or another, we split however not without penalty.
1) Mutual Split - I would still owe my other friend here 3 years, total is 5 years, plug and collar up to wearer. This is if I was a good slave, and did all he wished, but we decided to split.
2) Minor Transgression - I would have 3 years added when turned back to my friend here, plus plug and collar would resume as before.
3) Mid-Level Transgressions - My time would be increased by 5 or 8 years (time TBD), collar all the time at home, some out in public, but plug only 6 hours a day.
4) Major Transgression - Total Failure - This would result in the belt remaining permanent, collar also permanent (except family events), plug 23 hours a day.
Of course he loved this offer. Somehow I am not sure my "Out" is as good as I initially thought. The scale fortunately is based on performance. If I was a prefect slave for 2 years, the escape clause has a penalty, albeit a severe one to many, it is much less than permanent. I am also going to recommend a reward system, such as if I wore the collar and plug (out for potty only) for 2 solid months, that gets me bonus points to neutralize any transgressions.
So after he accepted, I called my friend and talked to him again, and he reasurred me that I needed to be locked, and whatever rules were in place, would be followed no if's and's or but's. The only instant out is severe medical or psychological distress. Depending on the need of that medical or mental issue, it is either a temporary out (in the event of surgery) or permanent out. That "out" falls with both people. Yes, I know this is getting complex, but before I am done, I am sure it will get much worse.
Of course there is the possability that if I go with my friend here, for 3 (or maybe 5, as I may up it to double my record), that I may not want out of the belt at all. If that is the case, we will flip a coin, Heads = double the previous time added Tails = permanent chastity. This is not a for sure thing, but its something I am considering having him add. Something deep down inside me is telling me once the belt is locked, I am gonna want it locked a long time anyways so, permanent control and orgasm denial may be the best thing from the start. I guess I will have many restless nights pondering this.
Well that solves the issue of key control, no cheating on my term. He and I agreed that we would go either until a set time had expired, or until I really, really needed out. No plans beyond that. After some chat we decided the safest thing to do was to get one of the keypad operated safes, and put it in my closet, and then he sets the combo to it, one key goes in there, the other goes with him. That way in an emergency, there is access either via him texting a code, or being here to open the CB. Ok so that was solved. Keys out of control, check!
The next day my old KH/master from the UK and I were chatting, and he made me a tempting offer, to be one of his Alpha's again (was before, but that is a story for another post). However there were stipulations...
1) The matched collar from Neosteel is to be worn always at home, and may be required out in public.
2) The plug will be worn 80% of the time (about 20 hours a day).
3) Indefinite (read: permanent) Chastity
Yes, there it is in black and white, permanent chastity. Talk about an offer! This is the fantasy for me, but the question is am I ready for that? Also given that my belt will have the seal bolts, there will be no doubt to anyone that I cannot cheat, this thing with the seal bolts will happen no matter which person I choose. So later that day I was talking to my friend here, and told him about the offer, and he said "Well if you do not take his offer to be his Alpha, you will just have to break your record." Ummmm, whoa! So 3 years (his time to break the record) or permanent. No other choices. Talk about a mind fuck! Here is where I should insert something about be careful what you wish for. It scares me totally, but also arouses me. After all, I am wearing my Lori Tube till the new Neosteel gets here. God talk about what a choice.
So I decided that I needed to make a counter-offer to my old KH in the UK, so it is a possibility of something like this...
2 years no questions, total submission and chastity, collar, plug, as he asks. After 2 years, we re-evaluate the situation. If we find it is not working for one reason or another, we split however not without penalty.
1) Mutual Split - I would still owe my other friend here 3 years, total is 5 years, plug and collar up to wearer. This is if I was a good slave, and did all he wished, but we decided to split.
2) Minor Transgression - I would have 3 years added when turned back to my friend here, plus plug and collar would resume as before.
3) Mid-Level Transgressions - My time would be increased by 5 or 8 years (time TBD), collar all the time at home, some out in public, but plug only 6 hours a day.
4) Major Transgression - Total Failure - This would result in the belt remaining permanent, collar also permanent (except family events), plug 23 hours a day.
Of course he loved this offer. Somehow I am not sure my "Out" is as good as I initially thought. The scale fortunately is based on performance. If I was a prefect slave for 2 years, the escape clause has a penalty, albeit a severe one to many, it is much less than permanent. I am also going to recommend a reward system, such as if I wore the collar and plug (out for potty only) for 2 solid months, that gets me bonus points to neutralize any transgressions.
So after he accepted, I called my friend and talked to him again, and he reasurred me that I needed to be locked, and whatever rules were in place, would be followed no if's and's or but's. The only instant out is severe medical or psychological distress. Depending on the need of that medical or mental issue, it is either a temporary out (in the event of surgery) or permanent out. That "out" falls with both people. Yes, I know this is getting complex, but before I am done, I am sure it will get much worse.
Of course there is the possability that if I go with my friend here, for 3 (or maybe 5, as I may up it to double my record), that I may not want out of the belt at all. If that is the case, we will flip a coin, Heads = double the previous time added Tails = permanent chastity. This is not a for sure thing, but its something I am considering having him add. Something deep down inside me is telling me once the belt is locked, I am gonna want it locked a long time anyways so, permanent control and orgasm denial may be the best thing from the start. I guess I will have many restless nights pondering this.
History Part 4
Ok so, I was in the doldrums now, not wearing a CB much, just here and there some. My Neosteel Hip Total that had served me well, had grown too small in my time away, and was sold. I was about as low as I had been years ago when the world was crashing down. Sure I put on a good show to my friends and family, but inside I was a mess. Then in December 2009, I once again figured it out. My happiest time in my adult life was when I was locked in my Neosteel belt indefinitely. I knew at once I needed to be in a belt. So in moments I pulled out my Lori Tube, put it on and put the keys out of quick hands temptation. I knew what I really needed though.
I needed to be in a Neosteel again. The problem, my old belt was gone, and wouldn't have fit anyways. I had to find a belt out there I could get, or order a new one. I had to raise money for it. Over the last few months, I have sold some old braces, wheelchairs, and old stuff that was from right after I got hurt, keeping my main chair, main braces, and a backup set. Thru this I was able to afford to get a new belt, but what to get? I knew I really wanted a Reinholds belt, but lets face it, I am not going to travel from Utah to Europe to get fitted, that would make the belt cost way more than I could ever afford. I had loved my Neosteel Male Hip Total, however now my skin is a bit more fragile from all the years in the wheelchair, and there was a risk of skin break down. So in frustration, I emailed Reinhold Mende at Neosteel, and started a dialogue with him.
After some lengthy emails with him, chat with my old KH/friend in the UK, and tons of reading it seemed that we had an answer. I would order a Neosteel Male Hip Total. I knew I also wanted to get the Climate Tube, as well as I was going to order the Seal Bolts, so the belt could be ensured it had not been removed. Also as I had a plug for the old belt, I wanted the same for this one, so I did that with the sport too. Finally, I had been dreaming of the neosteel collar that matched the belt, I wanted one of those too. After doing all the measurements, I ordered the new belt, collar, plug and all the options I wanted. Now it was time to start in earnest!
I needed to be in a Neosteel again. The problem, my old belt was gone, and wouldn't have fit anyways. I had to find a belt out there I could get, or order a new one. I had to raise money for it. Over the last few months, I have sold some old braces, wheelchairs, and old stuff that was from right after I got hurt, keeping my main chair, main braces, and a backup set. Thru this I was able to afford to get a new belt, but what to get? I knew I really wanted a Reinholds belt, but lets face it, I am not going to travel from Utah to Europe to get fitted, that would make the belt cost way more than I could ever afford. I had loved my Neosteel Male Hip Total, however now my skin is a bit more fragile from all the years in the wheelchair, and there was a risk of skin break down. So in frustration, I emailed Reinhold Mende at Neosteel, and started a dialogue with him.
After some lengthy emails with him, chat with my old KH/friend in the UK, and tons of reading it seemed that we had an answer. I would order a Neosteel Male Hip Total. I knew I also wanted to get the Climate Tube, as well as I was going to order the Seal Bolts, so the belt could be ensured it had not been removed. Also as I had a plug for the old belt, I wanted the same for this one, so I did that with the sport too. Finally, I had been dreaming of the neosteel collar that matched the belt, I wanted one of those too. After doing all the measurements, I ordered the new belt, collar, plug and all the options I wanted. Now it was time to start in earnest!
History Part 3
So here I am now, in my steel Lori Tube, with the keys in the hands of the of the most gorgeous guy I have ever met. Talk about arousal! Since we lived a distance from where Pride was, we went back to my hotel, where he teased me for hours, before finally letting me out of the Lori to orgasm, It was probably the most earth shattering orgasm of my life to that point. I knew what I wanted right then and there. I wanted to be with Bruce, wanted to be locked, wanted to be in bondage, and here I could have it. Before I knew what was happening, I blurted out, "Will you go with me!" (OK, kinda corny, I know, but I was not in control). He thought for a few, and just when I thought I was a moron and this gorgeous young guy was gonna say no, he said "As long as you wear this (points to the Lori), then yes I am yours." WOW!
Needless to say, we had an amazing weekend at pride. At first I was an oddity. Someone wanted to see the Lori, so while there in the bar, I pulled the pants down a bit, which then inspired a few others to want to see it, before it was all done, most of the people in there had seen it ( yes it was a gay bar). There were mostly comments in favor of it, some even saying how sexy it was. Sunday night as we left the event, Bruce and I were gonna see each other the next weekend, he said, while bouncing my keys on his hand... 'I think you can make it till Friday night, I will just keep these". Oh My God! What did I do go get that lucky. All week I was going nuts, and when the weekend came, it was more than I had hoped, bondage with the CB, sex, all of it. Sunday night we were looking online, when Bruce found the Neosteel site in my bookmarks. He looks at me and says "This would be more comfortable for long term chastity". Man I was lucky. I was not so sure about ordering one so I began to ask people I knew, and eventually, a guy I knew in the UK said he had a belt that would fit me, without having to order it, and would sell it to us at half the new cost. My excitement got the best of me, and 2 weeks later, a full Neosteel total was sitting in front of me. Bruce was across the room grinning like the cat that just caught the mouse. I made some adjustments to the fit of the belt, then put it on and clicked the lock. Instantly, I knew that was how I should have been all along. All my years had come to that point.
I was still having issues with my back, but Bruce and I were happy, me in the CB all the time, sometimes for up to 6 weeks, while we would see each other each weekend. Finally my back was causing enough issues to impact my life majorly, and things began to worsen health-wise. About 6 months after being with Bruce, and maybe 9 months after my injury, I was having major issues. I started pushing options to get an answer. There had to be something to do. Eventually I came upon a surgeon who seemed to care and he started looking at all the previous studies and MRI's and stuff. He had new MRI's done, and found some major damage to my spinal cord. At about this same time, all of the sudden Bruce became kind of distant. I had come out about being gay to family members, most of them, except my dad. That early life set of comments he made never left my mind. Bruce began leaving the keys to my CB with me when he went home from the weekend, and just was distant. Then one day he called and wanted to break up. That was it, and after a few more calls I found out I had been cheated on. I was crushed, he was gone, I was alone again, my family was in turmoil, my mother could not believe I was gay, and then came the news that my cord did indeed have some major damage, and required surgery. I was already in a wheelchair most of the time, unable to walk far. and the days got worse and worse. I had my surgery, no belt on of course for a few weeks. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did, my best friend since I was maybe 6, was killed. I was at the end of my rope. I put my belt back on, and it was my only comfort.
For several months I was in a deep deep depression, to the point of suicidal. Somehow I never managed to finish it. Then one day, I was putting my belt back on after running it thru the dishwasher to clean it, I realized that I needed to find a future for myself within my limits. Many sports were out, I had grown up skiing, riding ATV's and snowmobiles, and was very active. Now that was gone, what could I focus on? I held the answer in my hands. My Fetishes! I could still wear the belt, once healed from the surgery, I could still do bondage, and I could still do the rec. ortho stuff. In that moment of my greatest depression, I realized that my Neosteel belt had been carrying me thru. I went on, keeping in touch with friends, talking, chatting and browsing sites. Reading stories of long term chastity on a guy had a majorly arousing effect on me. I did some extended chastity terms, a few months at a time. Then I found a place where I could go, to help with my paralysis. A guy in Utah was running a program for people to learn to walk in braces. On a short notice, I picked up and moved to Utah, leaving my home in Idaho to be simply a vacation home. Not long after getting to Utah, I began to also pick up my activity in my fetishes. More casting and bondage. And I wore my belt nearly all the time. It was then, a few months after getting to Utah, that my belt went on with the idea of going as long as I could. My friend online in the UK was telling me what to do there, keys stayed in my nightstand, due to my health. Little did I know this event would transform me even more. I went to the gym in my belt, my doctor knew, as he was helping to monitor my health, especially with the prostate, and I even wore the belt to Physical Therapy. My therapist there said "now there is something you don't see every day". Toward the end of that particular conversation he said without prompting "Are you comfortable in that belt? You do not need to remove it for anything as far as I can tell, so make sure you keep it on as long as you want."
Huh?!?!?! Wow, so my family doctor is telling me with the way my plumbing is functioning, there in no need for the belt to come off, as I could clean the skin fine, and I was leaking somewhat regularly, so no fluid buildup. My physical therapist seemed to know what I was in for, and sanctioned it too. Odd eh? Well that was to be my crowning time. I stayed in my belt much longer than even I thought possible for me. After the first 100-110 days, things leveled off, and I got into a state I can only describe as "Constant Pleasant Mild Arousal". There became a point where I considered wearing the belt forever. Most of the time I had the plug locked in the rear of the belt too. After a long time,my personal record of 2 years, 2 months and 22 days in fact, a Dom friend, who was kinda the boss at the time, called me and wanted me to play that night. He talked me into taking the belt off for the first time in forever. Looking back I know it was most likely one of the rare weak moments, and I relented. Lets just say that the orgasm was not that spectacular. I kinda thought, after all that time, that was it? I kinda lost interest in everything kinky at that one moment. I put the belt in he closet, and over the next 6 months was in and out of my Neosteel and my Lori Tube, never for more than a week or 2 tops. But it just did not have the same excitement that I had when I was in the Neosteel indefinitely. Over the next 14 months, things got worse, I just didn't care about kink anymore. I lost contact with many on the internet, people I had talked to for years wondered where I had gone. I was back in a low point again. (Continued Part 4)
Needless to say, we had an amazing weekend at pride. At first I was an oddity. Someone wanted to see the Lori, so while there in the bar, I pulled the pants down a bit, which then inspired a few others to want to see it, before it was all done, most of the people in there had seen it ( yes it was a gay bar). There were mostly comments in favor of it, some even saying how sexy it was. Sunday night as we left the event, Bruce and I were gonna see each other the next weekend, he said, while bouncing my keys on his hand... 'I think you can make it till Friday night, I will just keep these". Oh My God! What did I do go get that lucky. All week I was going nuts, and when the weekend came, it was more than I had hoped, bondage with the CB, sex, all of it. Sunday night we were looking online, when Bruce found the Neosteel site in my bookmarks. He looks at me and says "This would be more comfortable for long term chastity". Man I was lucky. I was not so sure about ordering one so I began to ask people I knew, and eventually, a guy I knew in the UK said he had a belt that would fit me, without having to order it, and would sell it to us at half the new cost. My excitement got the best of me, and 2 weeks later, a full Neosteel total was sitting in front of me. Bruce was across the room grinning like the cat that just caught the mouse. I made some adjustments to the fit of the belt, then put it on and clicked the lock. Instantly, I knew that was how I should have been all along. All my years had come to that point.
I was still having issues with my back, but Bruce and I were happy, me in the CB all the time, sometimes for up to 6 weeks, while we would see each other each weekend. Finally my back was causing enough issues to impact my life majorly, and things began to worsen health-wise. About 6 months after being with Bruce, and maybe 9 months after my injury, I was having major issues. I started pushing options to get an answer. There had to be something to do. Eventually I came upon a surgeon who seemed to care and he started looking at all the previous studies and MRI's and stuff. He had new MRI's done, and found some major damage to my spinal cord. At about this same time, all of the sudden Bruce became kind of distant. I had come out about being gay to family members, most of them, except my dad. That early life set of comments he made never left my mind. Bruce began leaving the keys to my CB with me when he went home from the weekend, and just was distant. Then one day he called and wanted to break up. That was it, and after a few more calls I found out I had been cheated on. I was crushed, he was gone, I was alone again, my family was in turmoil, my mother could not believe I was gay, and then came the news that my cord did indeed have some major damage, and required surgery. I was already in a wheelchair most of the time, unable to walk far. and the days got worse and worse. I had my surgery, no belt on of course for a few weeks. Just when I thought it couldn't get worse, it did, my best friend since I was maybe 6, was killed. I was at the end of my rope. I put my belt back on, and it was my only comfort.
For several months I was in a deep deep depression, to the point of suicidal. Somehow I never managed to finish it. Then one day, I was putting my belt back on after running it thru the dishwasher to clean it, I realized that I needed to find a future for myself within my limits. Many sports were out, I had grown up skiing, riding ATV's and snowmobiles, and was very active. Now that was gone, what could I focus on? I held the answer in my hands. My Fetishes! I could still wear the belt, once healed from the surgery, I could still do bondage, and I could still do the rec. ortho stuff. In that moment of my greatest depression, I realized that my Neosteel belt had been carrying me thru. I went on, keeping in touch with friends, talking, chatting and browsing sites. Reading stories of long term chastity on a guy had a majorly arousing effect on me. I did some extended chastity terms, a few months at a time. Then I found a place where I could go, to help with my paralysis. A guy in Utah was running a program for people to learn to walk in braces. On a short notice, I picked up and moved to Utah, leaving my home in Idaho to be simply a vacation home. Not long after getting to Utah, I began to also pick up my activity in my fetishes. More casting and bondage. And I wore my belt nearly all the time. It was then, a few months after getting to Utah, that my belt went on with the idea of going as long as I could. My friend online in the UK was telling me what to do there, keys stayed in my nightstand, due to my health. Little did I know this event would transform me even more. I went to the gym in my belt, my doctor knew, as he was helping to monitor my health, especially with the prostate, and I even wore the belt to Physical Therapy. My therapist there said "now there is something you don't see every day". Toward the end of that particular conversation he said without prompting "Are you comfortable in that belt? You do not need to remove it for anything as far as I can tell, so make sure you keep it on as long as you want."
Huh?!?!?! Wow, so my family doctor is telling me with the way my plumbing is functioning, there in no need for the belt to come off, as I could clean the skin fine, and I was leaking somewhat regularly, so no fluid buildup. My physical therapist seemed to know what I was in for, and sanctioned it too. Odd eh? Well that was to be my crowning time. I stayed in my belt much longer than even I thought possible for me. After the first 100-110 days, things leveled off, and I got into a state I can only describe as "Constant Pleasant Mild Arousal". There became a point where I considered wearing the belt forever. Most of the time I had the plug locked in the rear of the belt too. After a long time,my personal record of 2 years, 2 months and 22 days in fact, a Dom friend, who was kinda the boss at the time, called me and wanted me to play that night. He talked me into taking the belt off for the first time in forever. Looking back I know it was most likely one of the rare weak moments, and I relented. Lets just say that the orgasm was not that spectacular. I kinda thought, after all that time, that was it? I kinda lost interest in everything kinky at that one moment. I put the belt in he closet, and over the next 6 months was in and out of my Neosteel and my Lori Tube, never for more than a week or 2 tops. But it just did not have the same excitement that I had when I was in the Neosteel indefinitely. Over the next 14 months, things got worse, I just didn't care about kink anymore. I lost contact with many on the internet, people I had talked to for years wondered where I had gone. I was back in a low point again. (Continued Part 4)
History Part 2
Ok so as I said in the last post, these few history posts are intended as a look at my life, and why I am the way I am. Please bear with me as I muddle thru this history to get to more current day events.
So here I was in new territory, single again, admittedly gay (to myself), kinky, and alone. I was scared. Well I knew of some sites online where I might meet others. There was some time here that I will share in another post. Some history that is very painful to me, a few years where life took some unexpected turns to make me who I am. As far as these years, I will just in this post note that my love for chastity, bondage and stuff blossomed for me. Please see the post titled "Why I am who I am". It will cover the in-between years. Finally in late 2003, my new home that I had built on some land I owned was nearing completion, when my life changed again forever.
I was helping a friend take some stuff to the landfill, old sofas, garbage, stuff that had been in his garage. We had slid the loveseat to the end of his truck bed, jumped over the front of the bed, then flipped it out into the garbage pile. Then we went to my truck to do the same. As I pulled the sofa to the end of the tailgate, from the side, so twisting sideways under a load, I felt what I can only describe as a major pulled muscle in my back. It hurt like heck, but I helped get the sofa out. Then we went back to my place, and I went with him to test drive new trucks he was looking at. After about the 4th or 5th truck we drove, I was in agony, so we went back to my place. I laid down on the bed, while he hung out and watched TV. I woke at 8pm in total agony, tears streaming down my face, I yelled for help, and my friend came running. He helped me sit upright, I could not do it on my own. I knew something was wrong, this was no pulled muscle. I went to the doctor that monday, and he was not sure, but maybe some minor disc issues. He gave me a cloth brace and some pain killers and said to relax, and take it easy. Somehow I didn't trust that, so by friday, I was at a neurosurgeon in Idaho Falls. They did MRI's and found that I had some herniated discs in my mid back. (T9-10 and 11-12 to be exact). I was given a full back brace and was told that no one around would do surgery given the location. I needed to do some therapy and work to get things strong. I went along and a month later, my new home was finished. Several friends came and helped me move. Me in my big brace couldn't do much. So once I was settled in things began to seem better. I was in my first home that was mine, I was dealing with being gay, life was good except the pain in my back.
One of my gay friends made me go to a camp event, in my brace. He said I needed to get out. I met tons of cute guys, but one I could not bring myself to talk to was gorgeous. I also had some lesbian friends there too, one of them was still married to her hubby, who was a piercer, so I got told if I ever wanted anything to just let them know. I went home that weekend happy, having made tons of friends, all whom were gay or lesbian, some very cute, and some more kinky than me. I spent more and more time in my plastic CB before that weekend, but had wanted to order a steel one. Monday after the camp, I was online and ordered my first Lori Tube. No I didn't have the PA yet, but that was no issue. So I submitted the order, and called my friends to schedule a piercing appointment. They said sure, comedown tonight. So I did. They lived about 120 miles away, so I drove to the shop they all 3 owned. It was just at closing time. I paid for the ring for the PA, they didn't charge me for the piercing. My friends hubby finished the last piercings of the day, and closed the door, while the girls went to get some dinner for us all real fast. We talked and soon the girls were back, so we ate first. As soon as we were done, I went back to the "chair" for the piercing. My lesbian friends wanted to watch, so I let them, who cares right? As soon as I was down on the table and lower half was showing, I got a little nervous. Aroused at first, which is not great for doing a PA, then I realized I was surrounded by a bunch of people, which embarrassed me, and as soon as I got soft, he did the piercing. It hurt for a few seconds, but was not biggie. They sent me home, and it barely bled or anything. I could not wear a CB till the piercing healed, so about 6 weeks, which worked out well, as that was the time the Lori Tube took to arrive.
The day the Lori arrived, I was so excited, it took 2 hours to get it on the first time. My whole reaction can be summed up in one word, WOW!!! My good friend, Jer (will keep names out of the blog as much as I can), who convinced me to go to the camp, and was my first gay friend, called me and said Pride was starting tomorrow, and he wanted me to go. I was not sure, but when he responded "If you are not on the way in 2 hours, I will drive up there to the ranch and duct tape you into a mummy to bring you down here!" How can you argue with that? I wore my new lori, with the keys on a chain around my neck. I got to the pride event, and saw lots of friends, and then it occurred to me, I wondered if that gorgeous guy from camp would be there. I asked my lesbian friends about him since they knew him, and they said his name was Bruce. I asked if they had any idea if he was going to be there at pride, I really had thought a lot about him in the last few months. As if on cue, he walked up behind me saying "did I hear my name?". Now I had no choice but to talk to him, which I did. We talked a lot and I told him about my fetishes and stuff. I figured here was a gorgeous guy here staring at me, who wants to be with me of all the people in the world, so I had better be honest with him. Later that night, we were standing there watching the band, while he looked down at my crotch, then grabbed my CB, jut driving me nuts. Then he proceeded to do something I will never forget. He removed the chain around my neck, saying "These are mine for later tonight". I was in love! (Continued in Part 3)
So here I was in new territory, single again, admittedly gay (to myself), kinky, and alone. I was scared. Well I knew of some sites online where I might meet others. There was some time here that I will share in another post. Some history that is very painful to me, a few years where life took some unexpected turns to make me who I am. As far as these years, I will just in this post note that my love for chastity, bondage and stuff blossomed for me. Please see the post titled "Why I am who I am". It will cover the in-between years. Finally in late 2003, my new home that I had built on some land I owned was nearing completion, when my life changed again forever.
I was helping a friend take some stuff to the landfill, old sofas, garbage, stuff that had been in his garage. We had slid the loveseat to the end of his truck bed, jumped over the front of the bed, then flipped it out into the garbage pile. Then we went to my truck to do the same. As I pulled the sofa to the end of the tailgate, from the side, so twisting sideways under a load, I felt what I can only describe as a major pulled muscle in my back. It hurt like heck, but I helped get the sofa out. Then we went back to my place, and I went with him to test drive new trucks he was looking at. After about the 4th or 5th truck we drove, I was in agony, so we went back to my place. I laid down on the bed, while he hung out and watched TV. I woke at 8pm in total agony, tears streaming down my face, I yelled for help, and my friend came running. He helped me sit upright, I could not do it on my own. I knew something was wrong, this was no pulled muscle. I went to the doctor that monday, and he was not sure, but maybe some minor disc issues. He gave me a cloth brace and some pain killers and said to relax, and take it easy. Somehow I didn't trust that, so by friday, I was at a neurosurgeon in Idaho Falls. They did MRI's and found that I had some herniated discs in my mid back. (T9-10 and 11-12 to be exact). I was given a full back brace and was told that no one around would do surgery given the location. I needed to do some therapy and work to get things strong. I went along and a month later, my new home was finished. Several friends came and helped me move. Me in my big brace couldn't do much. So once I was settled in things began to seem better. I was in my first home that was mine, I was dealing with being gay, life was good except the pain in my back.
One of my gay friends made me go to a camp event, in my brace. He said I needed to get out. I met tons of cute guys, but one I could not bring myself to talk to was gorgeous. I also had some lesbian friends there too, one of them was still married to her hubby, who was a piercer, so I got told if I ever wanted anything to just let them know. I went home that weekend happy, having made tons of friends, all whom were gay or lesbian, some very cute, and some more kinky than me. I spent more and more time in my plastic CB before that weekend, but had wanted to order a steel one. Monday after the camp, I was online and ordered my first Lori Tube. No I didn't have the PA yet, but that was no issue. So I submitted the order, and called my friends to schedule a piercing appointment. They said sure, comedown tonight. So I did. They lived about 120 miles away, so I drove to the shop they all 3 owned. It was just at closing time. I paid for the ring for the PA, they didn't charge me for the piercing. My friends hubby finished the last piercings of the day, and closed the door, while the girls went to get some dinner for us all real fast. We talked and soon the girls were back, so we ate first. As soon as we were done, I went back to the "chair" for the piercing. My lesbian friends wanted to watch, so I let them, who cares right? As soon as I was down on the table and lower half was showing, I got a little nervous. Aroused at first, which is not great for doing a PA, then I realized I was surrounded by a bunch of people, which embarrassed me, and as soon as I got soft, he did the piercing. It hurt for a few seconds, but was not biggie. They sent me home, and it barely bled or anything. I could not wear a CB till the piercing healed, so about 6 weeks, which worked out well, as that was the time the Lori Tube took to arrive.
The day the Lori arrived, I was so excited, it took 2 hours to get it on the first time. My whole reaction can be summed up in one word, WOW!!! My good friend, Jer (will keep names out of the blog as much as I can), who convinced me to go to the camp, and was my first gay friend, called me and said Pride was starting tomorrow, and he wanted me to go. I was not sure, but when he responded "If you are not on the way in 2 hours, I will drive up there to the ranch and duct tape you into a mummy to bring you down here!" How can you argue with that? I wore my new lori, with the keys on a chain around my neck. I got to the pride event, and saw lots of friends, and then it occurred to me, I wondered if that gorgeous guy from camp would be there. I asked my lesbian friends about him since they knew him, and they said his name was Bruce. I asked if they had any idea if he was going to be there at pride, I really had thought a lot about him in the last few months. As if on cue, he walked up behind me saying "did I hear my name?". Now I had no choice but to talk to him, which I did. We talked a lot and I told him about my fetishes and stuff. I figured here was a gorgeous guy here staring at me, who wants to be with me of all the people in the world, so I had better be honest with him. Later that night, we were standing there watching the band, while he looked down at my crotch, then grabbed my CB, jut driving me nuts. Then he proceeded to do something I will never forget. He removed the chain around my neck, saying "These are mine for later tonight". I was in love! (Continued in Part 3)
History Part 1
Please bear with my as I write these first few posts. I feel they are important to others looking to understand, sympathize, or at least comprehend what my life has been and will continue to be about. I grew up in a great home, loved my parents as much as any boy could. However when I was young, I knew I was different in so many ways. First as a young boy, I found one of my lifetime loves in casts/braces/wheelchairs, in other words, recreational orthopedics (aka rec. ortho). I would see friends in casts, and feel something different, wish I could have one, etc. So that has been with me a very long time. Also when I was younger, I often got teased, my middle initial is F, so you can see where this is going. By the time I hit high school, I began to know I was gay, but did my best to hide that from everyone but myself. I grew up in a small town of about 5000 people. Everyone knew everyone when I was younger, and if you saw something out of the ordinary, it was shunned. In fact I can remember being in high school, as a freshman, when my father came home fuming about something. He was ranting about "How dare they!" and "What is this world coming to", and most disturbingly, "If it were legal, I would run them out of town". Well you see, he had seen some women in town who were in fact lesbians, walking down the sidewalk holding hands. This one single event has impacted my life more than most would guess. I knew I had to hide who I was, if my father ever found out, it would destroy our family.
It was about this time, my sophomore year, when the internet really took off (1992-94 era) as a form of sharing things resulting in a huge wealth of knowledge in all sorts of categories. We had a computer before that sure, an old x286. This was the time that the 486 was the way to go, apples were the only things used in schools, etc. I had managed to get our old 286 online as a junior in high school and began to go from site to site, bbs to bbs, and soaking up info as only a horny young gay man can. I came across sites on bondage, casting, chastity belts (a pretty minor thing at that time), and many more that influenced me later in life. I also found others that creeped me out, and just weren't for me. I found myself getting aroused at the picture of a man in a cast or bondage, yet felt no such desire to see an image of a woman in the same scenario. I felt though that I could "fix" this, that I could become "normal". So my senior year I started dating. She was nice, we both stayed virgins thru the relationship, and enjoyed each others presence. She even moved to attend the same school as I did. Well that relationship died just a few weeks after college started. I just could not deal with it at the time.
I returned to my computer more often for the next 2 years, gaming, web browsing, chatting, etc. I started to try some things I read about at that time online that aroused me (NOTE: Icy Hot on the male genitals HURTS LIKE HELL!!!). Yet again, I found myself being aroused at the male things, and not at the female ones. I also was seeing more references to chastity belts in the bondage sites. The thought of having my sex locked away from me was so arousing, that be came one of my main powerful masturbation fantasies. After 2 years at college, playing mens volleyball, trying to just survive classes, being single, playing in my room at night, I blew out my knee during volleyball practice one day. At the end of the semester, I went home to have the knee rebuilt. Good thing about this was the braces, both the post op, and the functional knee brace I would have to wear while active from there on out. My rec. ortho side was kinda happy.
The year was now 1998, I was home, and working at a shop in town, new truck, doing small town stuff (bowling a lot), and trying once again to mostly suppress my personal urges. In my own personal world, I did my best to hide my interests, while out in the real world, I once again decided to try dating again. I started dating an older woman, and found I was able to confide in her. One night, I was sitting there, next to her, and she said she wanted to have sex. I was 18, and thinking to myself, well here it comes, time to find out. She knew of my bondage desire, and to make it easier she used that to help. Some rope and handcuffs, and soon, I was no longer a virgin. Well, that wasn't so bad I thought. Still preferred seeing men online, but did my best to enjoy the sex. She was ok with the pics of men, she loved them too. After a while, I started to tire of her "needyness" which I know is not a word, but best way I can describe her. Sure the sex was ok, but it still did not feel right. So we split.
I went back to my online life, but was now living out of the house, in an apartment at our family business's shop. So I was on my own. I was able to finally participate in casting, bondage, stuff you cannot do at home. After a month or 2, a friend came to stay with me for a few months, he needed a job, and I had a spot in the family business for him. He was kind of kinky too, but more dominant. We talked a lot about this and that. I showed him many of my favorite pics and sites. Finally one night, he decided we should try out some bondage. So 6 hours later, after some very strict tormenting bondage, we were both happy. He was not gay, but instead was bi. He preferred the ladies, but was good with playing with guys too. In the few months he was there, we did bondage often. It was amazing. Time passed and he had to leave. Late in 1999, I decide I would once again try to go with a lady. My one last attempt at being who society said I should be. We were together, and eventually I confessed my desires to her about bondage, chastity belts, and such. She liked the idea, especially if it would help me perform for her sexually so she could get off too. I knew something was wrong after some time, when i just could not perform sexually normally, so she started restraining me for sex. Which did work, for a while at least. Eventually we bought a first chastity device, the Curve. I loved the denial, and between that and the bondage, things were ok again. For a while at least, we were happy, but began to drift apart. At that point I knew what it was, I was and am gay, and no matter how hard I try, the bondage and other fantasies only can compensate for so long. So We finally split and once again I was in my own, but this time in new territory... (Continued in Part 2)
It was about this time, my sophomore year, when the internet really took off (1992-94 era) as a form of sharing things resulting in a huge wealth of knowledge in all sorts of categories. We had a computer before that sure, an old x286. This was the time that the 486 was the way to go, apples were the only things used in schools, etc. I had managed to get our old 286 online as a junior in high school and began to go from site to site, bbs to bbs, and soaking up info as only a horny young gay man can. I came across sites on bondage, casting, chastity belts (a pretty minor thing at that time), and many more that influenced me later in life. I also found others that creeped me out, and just weren't for me. I found myself getting aroused at the picture of a man in a cast or bondage, yet felt no such desire to see an image of a woman in the same scenario. I felt though that I could "fix" this, that I could become "normal". So my senior year I started dating. She was nice, we both stayed virgins thru the relationship, and enjoyed each others presence. She even moved to attend the same school as I did. Well that relationship died just a few weeks after college started. I just could not deal with it at the time.
I returned to my computer more often for the next 2 years, gaming, web browsing, chatting, etc. I started to try some things I read about at that time online that aroused me (NOTE: Icy Hot on the male genitals HURTS LIKE HELL!!!). Yet again, I found myself being aroused at the male things, and not at the female ones. I also was seeing more references to chastity belts in the bondage sites. The thought of having my sex locked away from me was so arousing, that be came one of my main powerful masturbation fantasies. After 2 years at college, playing mens volleyball, trying to just survive classes, being single, playing in my room at night, I blew out my knee during volleyball practice one day. At the end of the semester, I went home to have the knee rebuilt. Good thing about this was the braces, both the post op, and the functional knee brace I would have to wear while active from there on out. My rec. ortho side was kinda happy.
The year was now 1998, I was home, and working at a shop in town, new truck, doing small town stuff (bowling a lot), and trying once again to mostly suppress my personal urges. In my own personal world, I did my best to hide my interests, while out in the real world, I once again decided to try dating again. I started dating an older woman, and found I was able to confide in her. One night, I was sitting there, next to her, and she said she wanted to have sex. I was 18, and thinking to myself, well here it comes, time to find out. She knew of my bondage desire, and to make it easier she used that to help. Some rope and handcuffs, and soon, I was no longer a virgin. Well, that wasn't so bad I thought. Still preferred seeing men online, but did my best to enjoy the sex. She was ok with the pics of men, she loved them too. After a while, I started to tire of her "needyness" which I know is not a word, but best way I can describe her. Sure the sex was ok, but it still did not feel right. So we split.
I went back to my online life, but was now living out of the house, in an apartment at our family business's shop. So I was on my own. I was able to finally participate in casting, bondage, stuff you cannot do at home. After a month or 2, a friend came to stay with me for a few months, he needed a job, and I had a spot in the family business for him. He was kind of kinky too, but more dominant. We talked a lot about this and that. I showed him many of my favorite pics and sites. Finally one night, he decided we should try out some bondage. So 6 hours later, after some very strict tormenting bondage, we were both happy. He was not gay, but instead was bi. He preferred the ladies, but was good with playing with guys too. In the few months he was there, we did bondage often. It was amazing. Time passed and he had to leave. Late in 1999, I decide I would once again try to go with a lady. My one last attempt at being who society said I should be. We were together, and eventually I confessed my desires to her about bondage, chastity belts, and such. She liked the idea, especially if it would help me perform for her sexually so she could get off too. I knew something was wrong after some time, when i just could not perform sexually normally, so she started restraining me for sex. Which did work, for a while at least. Eventually we bought a first chastity device, the Curve. I loved the denial, and between that and the bondage, things were ok again. For a while at least, we were happy, but began to drift apart. At that point I knew what it was, I was and am gay, and no matter how hard I try, the bondage and other fantasies only can compensate for so long. So We finally split and once again I was in my own, but this time in new territory... (Continued in Part 2)
Wednesday, May 19, 2010
New Blog
Well here it is, a new blog, about a new time in my life of chastity. After having done a 2 year, 2 months, 22 day long period a few years ago, I took a break after I had my release, and in time was loathe to go back into the belt, even though I was wearing all for myself. Over the last 2 years, during this break time, I was in and out of chastity some, wearing my Lori Tube as my old Neosteel Total wouldnt fit anymore. In and out over the last 2 years. That is, until the start of this year. I had the spark of wearing a chastity belt rekindled. Since the first of the year, I have been in my Lori Tube full time, out only every 5-6 weeks for release. During this time I had been saving for a new full belt. Well yesterday, I had a great boost to my chastity life. I was able to get more than enough saved up to buy my new Neosteel Male Hip Sport. The order is all done, money paid, now it is just wait time. I figured, I would wear my Lori Tube until the new Neosteel gets here, so I will post my thoughts on the Lori for you, on waiting for the new belt, on its arrival, getting it fitted, and then my life locked up thereafter. I hope you enjoy this blog as it goes along, I will try to update it as often as I can.
idahochastity
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