No News Is... Agonizing

Well I haven't written for a little bit, not a whole lot here has changed. I am still waiting for my new Neosteel. I expect it sometime in the next 3-4 weeks hopefully. Other than that, am still locked down 100% in the Lori Tube. It gets frustrating and tormenting at times. It has now been over a month since I "played" (May 15th 2010). I have been in fairly constant turmoil about my new belt, and the term it means once on. On my bad days I sit here thinking "what the hell are you thinking?!?!" while on the better days I am excited, albeit nervous about the new belt and impending long term lockdown. I have been seeking advice from many friends, asking what they think, am I doing the right thing, and it seems there must be a conspiracy to keep me locked for good. Every one of my friends has said that I need to be locked indefinitely, that I am doing the right thing, to suck it up and deal with it, and other comments along the same lines. Not one friend has said "well I would not do it, or do something much less". Only a few even seemed to think I needed a "release clause" in my agreement. The others have said that I need to trust my KH's to do the right thing, and trust that if I really needed out due to some major depression or injury, that they would let me out if needed. That is the hardest point in all of this, trust. I have been hurt emotionally times by supposed friends that it makes me more wary of trust. I do trust my KH friends with my life totally, and for some reason that is easier than trusting anyone with my keys. At this point though, it seems that is the only option, to give up the keys to them indefinitely, to trust them, and know I could be locked for the remainder of my life possibly. That is quite one hell of a realization and head trip. Knowing I might never possibly cum again ever is a scary thought. I guess more thinking is quite in order, however, it seems, with all my friends opinions on it, that I will likely have to just accept my fate.