Why I Am Who I Am..."

Ok well this is the history part that I promised in part 2, about the years between starting with a Chastity Device, and the time I got hurt. So not long after I had gotten the plastic Curve CB, and separated from my very last girlfriend, I felt there was something missing. Now please forgive me as I go back thru these posts and ensure times and things are all correct, as this was all written directly from memory in a hurried manner.

So this thing that was missing, was someone to play with the CB with me. In my case, being gay, that would be a Master. So I spent time online meeting others, when I came across a guy in Montana, not far from me, who was a Master looking for a slave. After months of talking, going over limits, rules, and more, I decided I needed that added control. So I submitted to his control. Over the next 14 months, I spent ever moment as if I were a live-in slave, and despite the distance, things worked well. My webcams were always on for him to see what I was up to, always locked in the CB with play sessions at times, wore a small leather collar for training, and even my daily schedules were approved. I spent time for him doing things from training with plugs, to self bondage, to working out, etc. He was an incredible man, a great Master, my Master Kyle. As time went by, he would come to visit a few times a month, and we would do particularly hard training while he was here in person. As the months went by, I grew to trust and love him more and more. After about 14 months of training, he had called me, asking me to get some piercings and a tattoo he wanted. While the tattoo was ok with me, those particular piercings were ones that scared me to no end, an ampallang and an apadravya. Essentially vertical and horizontal piercings thru the cock head. They scared me, the pain I feared. However, because of my training, I made the appointment for the next day, and that morning was ready to go do it. I got in the car and began to drive to my appointment for a vicious session of one tattoo and 2 wicked piercings. I was nervous and scared. The piercing place was about 2 hours away. Of course I was talking to my Master on the cell phone on and off during the drive. About half way, he called me and said "Turn around and go home, call me when you get there!" I did as I was told, now in total confusion, fearing I had done or said something wrong. I drove home, in total fear, no long fear of pain, but fear of disappointment of my Master. I got home, he saw me on the webcam, and I called. He then shocked me, saying "Boy, you would have done what scared you because your Master desired it. You have completed your training, you are now a full boy, I am so proud of you, in time we will have a proper collaring ceremony for you. I have called and cancelled the appointment at the tattoo and piercing place. I am so proud of you and love you!" Then he added the line that to this day still tears at my heart... "Welcome to the family, welcome home boy!"

In that moment I was stunned, going from fear, to elation, to realization. Over the next few days I was in heaven, happy about the news, glad I was pleasing my Master, and was excited about the collaring ceremony to come. For weeks, I worried about the ceremony, wondering when, and how, and where it would take place. I researched what was to come online, talked to others, and more. I knew it was a big moment in my life, and would be an emotional moment as well. About a month after hearing my Masters comment about being done with training, he called me and told me that in 4 weeks, I was to come to his home in Montana for my ceremony. This was unusual, as the normal thing was to come here to my home instead for training and time together, I had never been to his home. Very little was said over the next few weeks, I spent time preparing myself for what was to come. Then the fateful trip. I got in the car, driving to his home, a few hours away in Montana, worrying, agonizing the whole time. I did not want to screw it up. When I arrived at his home, a non-descript place in the outskirts of a small town, I was shown in and spent some time with my Master, serving to his needs, and then being lead to a small room on the back of the house where he had a small dungeon setup. It was then I realized just how truly into this all he was. We did some stuff in the small dungeon room for a while, then retired to his room, where I got the unusual pleasure of sleeping in my Master's bed with him. I went to sleep that night, my last night as a free boy, cuddled next to the most special man in my life.

The next morning I awoke early, and was waiting, in position, for my Master to wake. He was not really a breakfast person, I none of that stuff was necessary. After some chat, and stuff, he took me back to the dungeon, and strapped me onto a St. Andrews Cross, put a hood over my head, and then played some, then left me. While in that room you cannot hear anything happening around you. I was there perhaps an hour or two tops, bound, waiting. Some time later he came and released me, and thats when I finally learned what he had been up to. Just being in his presence calmed me, as often happens around those we love. He escorted me, with leather cuffs on my wrists and ankles, and with my leather collar on, outside, on the rear patio of the home. As I walked out the door, naked, with just those cuffs and my plastic CB on, I had a sudden shock, there were dozens of people there, some I knew, others I didnt. People from the community for sure, a few were friends of mine that lived close as well. As I was escorted out onto the patio, the entire group rose. Now I am not sure what standard procedure is, but this I took as a sign of respect for my Master, and perhaps some for me. We walked to where a small table sat with a cloth cover, the day was just right, about 75 degrees, sunny, just a tiny breeze... Perfect! As I neared the table, I stopped and kneeled, but was stopped before I got all the way down, by a gentle hand from my Master, telling me for the moment to remain standing. He removed my leather collar and cuffs, and there I stood, CB only, in front of dozens of people, but my eyes remained locked on my Master's. Then the ceremony began, and I can vividly remember every word. My Master began, "Welcome my dearest friends and family, today you are here to witness the collaring of a wonderful boy who has proven he has what it takes to be my slave." He continued, "Brandon, today, here on this wonderful day, you stand here in front of me, your friends and others as a free man, if you choose to accept my collar, you choose to be my boy faithfully and obediently, without any reservations. Do you understand the importance of these statements, and know what your decision is?" With a large lump in my throat, and barely able to speak, I managed to kinda croak "Yes Master Kyle, I understand fully, and have made my choice." Then it was time for me to shine and prove that it was meant to be.

I took a deep breath, and kneeled right there, and in a clear, strong voice repeated the oath I had practiced for weeks... "I, slave Brandon, fully knowing and understanding my choice, fully and wholly give you, my Master all I have of myself. I promise to obey, love and serve to the very best of my abilities, and wish to be your slave for the rest of my life." The reason I had kneeled was actually more to keep myself from collapsing as I was shaking so hard as these lines came out, but it was also in part to honor my Master. I can faintly remember some applause, then my Master removed the cloth covering the table, and there lay a beautiful steel collar. As the applause died down, he picked up the collar, then said "As a sign of my love and ownership of you, my boy, I present you with my collar." He stepped around behind me, and for the first time I felt that collar fit around my neck, then heard the lock snap close. Some say that moment can change a person, and I will agree totally. In that one second, I went from confused, to a calm, settled, loved boy with the most wonderful Master I could ask for. The sound of that lock was like my old life snapping shut and being pushed away, and my new life beginning. I know there was applause, but I do not remember hearing it. The shock to my system was not over yet however. My Master then asked me to rise and stand at attention next to him. I did as fast as I could, and already beaming with pride, and a big smile on my face, hurried to get into his preferred position. I stood there, and got the largest shock of my life though, when my Master announced the following, "Now here in front of you friends and family, I present to you the latest addition to the family, my Alpha Slave!" That was me??? Alpha??? No way that could be me!

I remember looking at my Master, he had a huge grin on his face, and nodded to me that it was indeed true. I knew he had a few other boys he trained remotely, and some he trained in the past were in the crowd. The cheers and applause was nearly deafening. Then, he dismissed everyone for some food and drinks. I was kind of in that moment where you are stunned, cant talk, do not have a clue what just happened, and my only concern was to remain standing there at attention, despite tremors running up and down my body. When I did not move from my position, even though I was visibly shaking, as people were starting to get up and mill around, my Master walked over, told me to relax, and that today was my day, that today, I was free to socialize, and that today I was not to worry about serving at all. Then he pulled me inside the door of the house off the patio, hugged me hard, and as I sat there in his arms, tears formed in my eyes, and my legs went weak. My Master caught me, full weight, and lowered me to the floor as I nearly passed out, overcome with emotion. He sat there with me a few moments, holding on to me, and told me "Do not worry Alpha, I will never let you go!" That was me... Alpha. When I regained enough to sit up on my own, just a few moments in time, he said "Sit here, I will be right back..." He walked off into the house, and returned with a small mirror, and held it for me to see, me, there with my permanent Alpha collar locked on. The emotion overtook me again, and more tears, not of fear, not of pain, just tears of pure joy. This was the proudest moment of my life!

Eventually after about 5-10 minutes, I got up off the floor, and Master Kyle and I went back out into the crowd on the patio. I met so many people, family members (his brother was also a gay Master, and was there with 2 of his slave boys), my friends that came, and some of my Masters former boys and other friends. I spent probably 2 hours, meeting everyone, shaking hands, exchanging hugs, and showing off my collar. In that time, I was the center of attention. Not a spot I am used to by any means. the few hours there felt like no time at all, and soon people began to depart, all of them walking first to thank my Master, then to say their last words to me, and congratulate me. As the last people departed, my Master and I went inside, most everything having been cleaned up already by my Master's brother's boys. We went in, and entered the living room, my Master flopped on the sofa, and I kneeled next to him, as I normally would. He looked at me and said "please stop that, today is YOUR day, come sit, relax, I know it has been a crazy day." Crazy day would be the understatement. I took his command though, and moved to sit on the couch, and worn out from the day, fell asleep there in his arms. I was the happiest boy on earth that night. We both slept there on the couch, both too tired from the events of the day to move. As usual I woke early, and things returned to normal that day, me back in my normal role. After a few more days, some bondage, some chores, and stuff, I returned to my home, wondering what lie in store.

Days progressed much the same as they had before, just that he called me Alpha only now instead of my name. My birth name was no longer of use in that relationship. In fact it was rare that I used my real name, only with family and legal stuff. Over the next 2 months, I followed orders and returned to my life as usual, 24/7 contact with my Master, just over some distance. I got to spend 3 weekends with him during those 2 months, time I cherished wholly. Then one day, nearly 2 months after my collaring, life once again changed in a big way.

It was a Saturday, I needed to run my errands in town, a planned for event, usually taking about an hour or so of time. I woke that day, saw to things around the house, spent time talking to my Master, then got dressed, and into the car for the run into town to get groceries for the week, and a few other quick errands. While I was gone my Master had planned to go on a short drive. It was still summer, and a beautiful day. He had a nice late 1960's land-yacht convertible, a beast of a car, that he loved driving in the summers. So as I left to drive to town, he left to drive around the area where he lived. It took me about 45 minutes to get what I needed, and get back in the car. Just as I put the car into drive to head home, I had one of those moments where you get the willies, that shiver up your spine, that feeling of dread. I shook it off as just an odd moment, and drove home. When I got there, I messaged my Master online, and put the groceries away real fast. Then returned and sat in front of the computer, with the webcam on of course, waiting on my Master. Several times in the past he would go take a drive and it could be a few hours. I was expected to be waiting on him when he returned though. I sent one more message confirming that I was sitting there, and awaiting his return. I sat, and sat, first an hour went by, then two. By 3 hours I began to get worried, but remained where I was, only getting up and away to go to the bathroom, then would return and sit again. I continued to sit there, waiting, and growing more and more desperate and worried as the hours went by. Day turned to night, but I remained there, eventually so tired that I was dozing sitting at the keyboard. All that next day I sat there, by now a frantic mess. I had messaged his brother, and let him know I had not heard from my Master now in a while, quite literally a day... He said to just stay where I was, and that he would contact people, and the police if necessary to figure out where he was if he was not home. So I continued to sit and wait, nothing else I could do, that was my orders. Late that second night, the phone rang. I hoped I would hear my Master, and some silly story about the car stopping on him or something, but instead the voice was one I barely knew. The words echo in my head even still, a decade later... It was my Masters brother.... "Alpha, he is gone!"

After some explanation, with me being frantic, wanting to just break something, not believing that my Master, the one I loved and trusted and cared for, was gone, my Master's brother said he would call when he knew more, and to get some sleep. By then I had not slept for 40 hours of waiting, with some slight naps in there, plus the hours of the day before when I was running errands and stuff. I was laying on the floor, having been awake for 48 or more hours, crying, sobbing hysterically, when sleep finally at some point overtook me. I am still not sure how long I lay there on the floor, but when I came to, I was laying in my bed, 2 of my best friends from the town I lived in sitting at my bedside. I woke, and first thought that came to mine, was it all a dream? Then as it began to sink in, I began to cry again. This time at least I had friends there to help me. They did their best to get info, to keep me calm, get me food, and more. I didnt leave my master bedroom/bathroom for days, I know that much. As details came to light, I had several conversations with my Master's brother, and found out that while he was out driving, he came around a bend in the road, and was hit head-on, by a drunk teenage kid in a truck who was passing in a no-passing area. Generally I am not one to wish harm on someone, but this kid had survived, my Master had not. Yes the kid was paralyzed, and laying in a hospital, and was going to face some serious charges and eventually time in jail, but I wanted him dead, for killing my Master.

About a week later, we had a small service on the back patio of my Master's home, his ashes then buried in the back yard under a small stone marker, just as he wanted. Most of that trip, that service, I do not remember, but one thing that I do remember is while sitting there in my Master's home, with his brother, I was engaged in some conversation, about what now? My Master's brother offered me the Alpha spot in his group, but that was not something I could even think of doing at that point. I went from my absolute highest and proudest moment, to just 2 months later having to go thru hell, and burying my Master who was now gone. After I refused the spot in my Master's brother's group, he presented me with the key that would open my collar, and told me to keep in touch, and that I was welcome to visit any time. I left that home the last time, once again a free man, and not happy about that in the least. For months I kept my collar on, put the key in a drawer. When finally I was called and asked to attend the will reading, as there had been something left to me. I drove up to Montana and stayed in a motel that night, went to the will reading, and was actually left 2 things in the will. First was the collar I was wearing, which I had never pondered that it didn't belong to me, but oh well, then I was also left a check made out to Mistress Lori for one of her CB's, as just prior to my Master's passing he had updated his will. We had been talking about me getting a PA, and one of her devices just before my Master was killed. I came home with a check, and my collar, and not sure I could have felt worse at that time. Even in death he wanted to ensure that I knew he loved me but that I had been a slave. It took me weeks to finally figure out what I needed to do, and I ordered my Lori Tube, just as we had talked about. It wasnt costing me anything, so why not, and after all, that was what my Master wanted.

Well that is where the other history picks up, I had ordered the tube, gotten a PA, and tried to move on with my life. My bumpy road was not about to get smoother for a long long time. I wore that collar for probably 2 more years before I felt that taking it off was ok, and as for the lori, I still have it today, and wore it just prior to getting my new neosteel. They are both special items to me. That particular collar I can hardly wear today due to all the hardware in my neck. In fact, that is why I ordered the new Neosteel collar, because I felt that would be a fitting tribute to my Master, and would continue to remind me that as of now, I am still Alpha!